Friday, November 25, 2011

How to Kill a Lion

Infosys Method:

1. Hire a lion
2. Send him for training in Mysore and make him feel like the KING OF THE JUNGLE.
3. Make him take a ‘Generic Compree Exam’…………LION TURNS INTO CAT
4. Make him take a ‘Stream Compree Exam’………….CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
5. Send him into production which has nothing to do with what he was trained for.
7. Send him mails telling about mandatory certifications.

TCS method:

1. Hire a lion
2. Give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
3. Lion dies of hunger and frustration

Wipro method:

1. Hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
2. He dies of unemployment…

Cognizant Method:

1. Hire a Lion
2. Give him a mail Id.
3. He will die receiving stupid mails all day……..!!!!

IBM Method:

1. Hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
2. Give him Gobi 65 to eat again and again.
3. Hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
4. Give them same Gobi 65 to eat
5. Hire 200 more……. and more …….

HCL Method:

1. Hire a lion….
2. Send him to Chennai, India
3. Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
4. Ask him to eat idli, Dosa and Vada
5. No Hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking people other than TAMIL…
6. No good food, No water..
7. And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
8. Lion dies in confusion... he is Tiger or lion……

Isoft Method

1. Hire huge lions ….
2. Put them in the useless product.
3. Don’t allow them to work on latest technologies (.Net 3.5, WCF, WPF)
4. Ask the lions to develop the screens which already developed
5. Give the appraisal as 1.5%
6. Line will get irritated and die

L&T Method:

1. Hire few lions….
2. Send lions from NCR to Chennai and lions from Chennai to NCR.
3. Train the lions on Java/Dot net and ask them to join testing team.
4. Give lectures on “Lions First” and ask them buy books on “Lions First”.
5. Relocate the lions from one Zoo to another Zoo and tell them you are to going a better Jungle.
6. Send old lions to African Jungles (read – onsite) and never rotate them to Indian Zoo.
7. Old lions at Africa becomes king of the jungle.
8. Indian zoo lions becomes frustrated waiting for African Jungles and eventually joins any of the above jungles (TCS, IBM, Accenture etc)
9. Lion dies according to reasons appropriate for above mentioned jungles (TCS, IBM, Accenture etc)

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